Technologies

The Absolute Worst CES Tech We’ve Seen in the Last 25 Years

Not every gadget can be a winner. Toilet robots, MP3 weaponry and vacuum shoes are just some of the oddities we’ve seen at CES over the last two decades.

CES 2023 is over, and together we’ve seen our share of both weird and wonderful devices at this year’s show, but… mostly weird.

Flying cars and obscure robots are so old hat now, and so I wondered if CES could do anything less practical and even more completely bonkers. Turns out it can! Over the past 20-plus years, I’ve seen gadgets so stupefying that sometimes they exist purely because journalists like me will write about them. But it’s time to call out the really awful ones, the worst of the worst. Vacuum shoes, toilet paper robots, MP3 weapon holsters, it’s your time to shine!

The most interesting part about this rogues gallery is that some of these products — the Pepe pet dryer, the HapiFork and the Hushme, to name a few — are still being sold today. That’s right: You blew it up, you maniacs!

Dyson Zone Air-Purifying Headphones

Not technically a CES product, as this was announced during 2022, but Dyson was demonstrating the Zone headphones in Las Vegas during CES 2023. Though the Zone looks like it should be a COVID mask, that’s unfortunately not what it does. According to the Dyson site, development on the Zone began way back in 2016 as a personal air filter — for pollution, mainly — and as such, it was never designed to protect against COVID. Furthermore, one critic has claimed the gadget’s force-driven fans could even help maximize your chances of catching coronavirus. CNET’s Katie Collins, who tried it out at Dyson’s HQ in the UK, thought it was «too brilliant and bizarre to ignore.»

Charmin Rollbot

Computer peripherals manufacturer Razer is the king of creating «look at me» products specifically for CES, but toilet tissue brand Charmin became notorious for this 2020 entry. That’s right, in the year that saw the mass panic buying of toilet paper came a robot that could bring you even more! Coincidence? Yes… probably. The RollBot was never going to be a real product, but we loved/loathed it anyway.

Kolibree Smart Toothbrush

Remember when we had to wash our hands for 20 seconds by singing songs to ourselves? The same methodology also applies to brushing your teeth, but why should you use your own brain and lips like a sucker? There have been many smart toothbrushes over the years, but today I’m picking on the Kolibree. Everything was just fine until the arrival of «the world’s first connected electric toothbrush.» Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…

Taser MP3 Holster

Back in the 2000s, the iPod became such a cultural phenomenon that every company rushed to create an MP3 player of its own. This culminated in what is one of the dumbest CES products in recent memory: the Tazer MP3 holster. Imagine trying to not only charge your holster but also connect it via USB to your computer to fill it up with 1GB of tunes.

Pepe Pet Dryer

Want to find a new way to make your small dog or cat hate you forever? Lock them in a cube prison for 25 minutes (!) and subject them to gusts of hot air. This combination torture device/dryer would have set you back $660, or you could just throw a towel over your wet dog like a normal human.

HapiFork

Throughout history, there have been so many gadgets designed to limit normal human behavior, but this one takes the (pan)cake. The HapiFork is yet another vibrating gadget that tells you to eat your meals slower (over 20 minutes), with the idea being that you are less likely to overeat. Personally, I wolf my own meals down like I’m in prison, so do your worst, HapiFork. I’ll eat with my hands if I have to! You’re not the boss of me!

Hushme

The Hushme is literally a «dumb» product — it’s designed to make its user mute to other people in the immediate vicinity. It was pitched as being useful in workplaces, but… if a co-worker gave me one of these, they’d better be wearing vacuum shoes, in order to clean up the gleefully stomped-on bits.

Belty

The original Belty was a prototype smart belt with a motor in it that adjusted itself to whether you just ate or were sitting down. Impractical as hell, but kind of cool? While there is a newer model, also called Belty, this one is even weirder — there’s no auto-sizing, but it does have a power bank charger in the buckle. OK, two things. Not only do I not want a potentially volatile compound near my nethers, I don’t want to connect a series of devices there either.

Xybernaut Poma

First shown off at CES 1998, the Hitachi Xybernaut wearable computer was a terrible idea long before Google Glass was even a gleam in Babak Parviz’s eye. The Windows CE-based Xybernaut Poma offered a 128MHz RISC processor and 32MB of RAM for the low price of $1,499, plus it strapped to your arm and your face and your belt!

Read more: Hitachi Fashioning Wearable PCs

Denso Vacuum Shoes

Shoes. You wear ’em. They wear out, you buy more. But that’s not exciting now, is it? They need things in them — phones, rockets, rollers and… vacuums? There are so many puns I could make about even just the name of the Denso Vacuum Shoes, but the fact that they existed at all was the biggest joke of all.

Technologies

Razer’s Wolverine V3 Pro 8K Controller Won’t Replace My Mouse and Keyboard, but Here’s Where It Shines

I applaud the absurdly high polling rate, six extra remappable buttons and TMR sticks, but let me tell you why I’m sticking with my keyboard and mouse for most games I play.

The Razer Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC controller was not built for me, but admittedly, this has more to do with me as a gamer than the controller itself. I grew up playing the PlayStation 3 and PS4 consoles, cutting my teeth on slim, compact DualSense controllers. Over the past five years, I’ve gamed exclusively on my PC and have grown accustomed to the increased precision of a mouse and keyboard.

The Razer Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC controller is the antithesis of a DualSense controller. It’s a chunky piece of hardware that might feel natural if you were raised on an Xbox and its bulky controllers, but it took me multiple gaming sessions to get acclimated to the sheer size of the Wolverine V3 and how it fit into my hands, especially since I don’t use a claw grip.

Size aside, this is a PC controller with every bell and whistle you can think of — and its price of $200 reflects that. The 8,000Hz polling rate ensures buttery smooth inputs with no lag, and tunnel magnetoresistance joysticks make every in-game movement feel fluid and calculated. Six extra remappable buttons help you up your game — they’re super handy for hero shooters like Marvel Rivals and hectic games like Battlefield 6. This is a premium product for gamers who are hoarding some serious hardware.

Its price is in line with other premium controllers. One of CNET’s best Xbox controllers is the Wolverine V3 Pro for Xbox, which also costs $200. Similar controllers like the Scuf Instinct Pro and Vitrix Pro BFG are in the same ballpark, pricewise, but the Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC has a winning combination of competitive variables that make it feel exceptionally easy to use.

This controller is chock full of top-of-the-line technology and feels satisfying to use, but it needs to clear a high bar to feel truly worthwhile as a dedicated PC controller.

Chunky controller, satisfying feedback

When CNET’s Josh Goldman reviewed the Wolverine V3 Pro Xbox wireless controller, he called it «just about perfect.» If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it: Razer replicated many of its successes with the Wolverine V3 Pro PC controller.

The Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC is the same size as the Wolverine V3 Pro Xbox controller, which is to say it’s a bit chunkier than a standard Xbox wireless controller, but it’s surprisingly much lighter than its Xbox cousin. It weighs just 220 grams, which is appreciably lighter than the Xbox version that weighs 304 grams. And while the Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC is nowhere near as slim as a DualSense controller, it’s still much lighter than its Sony competitor — a stock DualSense controller weighs 280 grams.

Every button on this controller has a crisp, clean clickiness that scratches the same mental itch that a good mechanical keyboard might. Whether you’re gripping the trigger, pressing a button or squeezing one of the four remappable back paddles, you’ll hear incredibly satisfying auditory feedback that leaves no doubt that the controller is receiving your inputs. At one point, while I sat through a particularly long matchmaking queue, I found myself squeezing the triggers to entertain myself — the snappy pops were enough to keep me off TikTok.

The biggest difference between the V3 Pro Xbox and V3 Pro PC controllers is the variable polling rate — that dictates how often your controller is communicating with the computer. It’s like a refresh rate for your crosshair positioning.

The Wolverine V3 Pro Xbox just can’t compete here: That controller has a wired 1,000Hz polling rate for PC gameplay. The V3 Pro PC controller can be toggled for multiple polling rates, with an 8,000Hz maximum setting. This means the PC controller can report your input data eight times faster than the Xbox controller.

Every movement, turn and button press feels incredibly fluid. It’s safe to say that there’s no input lag with the Wolverine V3 PC controller, but I don’t think it matters too much for moment-to-moment first-person shooter gameplay. If you’re driving a car (or a tank) and you need to stop on a hairpin, you might appreciate Razer’s HyperPolling technology. If you’re not playing a tactical shooter like Counter-Strike or Rainbow Six: Siege, that 8,000Hz polling rate is overkill — if you’re a casual gamer crushing Call of Duty public lobbies with your pals, you’re probably not going to notice it in any of your firefights.

Better than a mouse and keyboard? That’s a little more complicated

I tested out the Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC controller on Marvel Rivals, ARC Raiders and Battlefield 6 (my current first-person shooter obsession). It’s an extremely solid choice for at least two of these games, and I likely won’t be using my DualSense controller anytime soon.

I had a great time firing magic bolts in Marvel Rivals and rolling tanks through the streets of Cairo in Battlefield 6, but this is a controller that was supposedly designed for high-level shooter gameplay. I’m saddened to report that, when it comes to dominating a first-person shooter match or competing to survive in an extraction shooter, I’d much rather stick to a mouse and keyboard.

In close-range battles, I didn’t feel like the Wolverine controller particularly helped me gain an advantage over my opponents. Mouse-and-keyboard players were often able to lock onto me quicker, even with a high look sensitivity and built-in aim assist. And I felt outmaneuvered and outgunned by mouse-and-keyboard players in the fastest-paced fights. But the controller’s precision TMR thumbsticks made it easy to quickly lock my crosshairs onto enemies and mow them down from afar with light machine guns or sniper rifles in long-range battles.

I also find it useful for games like Battlefield that have a lot of buttons to micromanage during moment-to-moment gameplay. If you want to swap your fire mode from automatic to single-fire, mount your weapon’s bipod against a flat surface or pull out an invaluable class gadget, you’ll be reaching across your keyboard to do so. The six remappable buttons on the Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC are great for these situations; I loved that I could tap fire my hulking light machine gun by gripping one of the controller’s back paddles.

The controller really shone for vehicle combat, though. I found myself gravitating toward my mouse and keyboard for infantry gunplay, but anytime I’d jump into a tank, I’d reach across my desk and grab the Wolverine again. Having pressure-sensitive triggers helps with any in-game driving: A slight squeeze lets me cautiously move forward, scanning for enemy mines, while fully pulling the trigger down helps me speed out of dangerous situations. Rebinding automatic repair jobs and weapon switches to the back paddles also helped me focus more on in-game combat, which helped me keep my armored vehicles in the fight for longer. With my DualSense controller, I’d have to awkwardly fumble with the D-Pad to activate my vehicle abilities. The Wolverine controller is the definitive way for a Battlefield tank enthusiast to play.

Outside of standard first-person shooter gameplay, I also found the Wolverine V3 PC controller to be handy for hero shooters — with some caveats. When I play Marvel Rivals, I mainly play tanks that require an extensive amount of ability usage but very little aim. Characters like Doctor Strange thrive when you can quickly string inputs together, and rebinding the controls to the Wolverine’s back paddles is great for that.

On the other hand, speedy divers that need to jump in and out of the enemy team’s backline and aim-intensive snipers feel tougher to play with the Wolverine controls, and I’d swap back to my mouse and keyboard whenever I wanted to switch off tank characters and fulfill another role for my team.

One game I don’t recommend the Wolverine V3 Pro PC for is ARC Raiders. While the remappable buttons make it easy to reach for healing items and grenades, losing out on the precision aim of a mouse and keyboard just isn’t worth it in a game where one death can set your progress back by several real-life hours. The controller lets me hold my own against killer ARC robots, but once real players join the mix, I’d rather use my tried-and-true PC hardware setup.

That’s not to say that the Wolverine controller is terrible for a tactical third-person shooter: The back paddles are a great way to quickly access any healing items, grenades and other consumables you’re carrying, which could be the difference between life and death. But when I have teammates depending on me to help them escape with their hard-earned loot, I just don’t trust the Wolverine controller to help me aim better than I can with my trusty mouse and keyboard.

For playing first-person shooters like Call of Duty or Apex Legends at breakneck speeds, the Wolverine V3 Pro 8K PC likely won’t replace your mouse and keyboard. But if your ideal competitive game centers on slower gunplay and long-range firefights, this is the most precise controller I’ve ever laid hands on (and you’ll receive a healthy heaping of help from aim assist to boot).

For the games I like to play, the Wolverine V3 Pro PC controller hasn’t become my primary gaming peripheral. Instead, it’s become a great situational swapout that complements my mouse and keyboard. As much as I like keeping it on deck for a long gaming session, $200 is a high price for a part-time controller.

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Today’s NYT Mini Crossword Answers for Wednesday, Dec. 17

Here are the answers for The New York Times Mini Crossword for Dec. 17.

Looking for the most recent Mini Crossword answer? Click here for today’s Mini Crossword hints, as well as our daily answers and hints for The New York Times Wordle, Strands, Connections and Connections: Sports Edition puzzles.

Need some help with today’s Mini Crossword? Read on. And if you could use some hints and guidance for daily solving, check out our Mini Crossword tips.

If you’re looking for today’s Wordle, Connections, Connections: Sports Edition and Strands answers, you can visit CNET’s NYT puzzle hints page.

Read more: Tips and Tricks for Solving The New York Times Mini Crossword

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