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The Absolute Worst CES Tech We’ve Seen in the Last 25 Years

Not every gadget can be a winner. Toilet robots, MP3 weaponry and vacuum shoes are just some of the oddities we’ve seen at CES over the last two decades.

CES 2023 is over, and together we’ve seen our share of both weird and wonderful devices at this year’s show, but… mostly weird.

Flying cars and obscure robots are so old hat now, and so I wondered if CES could do anything less practical and even more completely bonkers. Turns out it can! Over the past 20-plus years, I’ve seen gadgets so stupefying that sometimes they exist purely because journalists like me will write about them. But it’s time to call out the really awful ones, the worst of the worst. Vacuum shoes, toilet paper robots, MP3 weapon holsters, it’s your time to shine!

The most interesting part about this rogues gallery is that some of these products — the Pepe pet dryer, the HapiFork and the Hushme, to name a few — are still being sold today. That’s right: You blew it up, you maniacs!

Dyson Zone Air-Purifying Headphones

Not technically a CES product, as this was announced during 2022, but Dyson was demonstrating the Zone headphones in Las Vegas during CES 2023. Though the Zone looks like it should be a COVID mask, that’s unfortunately not what it does. According to the Dyson site, development on the Zone began way back in 2016 as a personal air filter — for pollution, mainly — and as such, it was never designed to protect against COVID. Furthermore, one critic has claimed the gadget’s force-driven fans could even help maximize your chances of catching coronavirus. CNET’s Katie Collins, who tried it out at Dyson’s HQ in the UK, thought it was «too brilliant and bizarre to ignore.»

Read more: Dyson Zone Air Filtering Headphones on Sale in January for $949

Charmin Rollbot

Computer peripherals manufacturer Razer is the king of creating «look at me» products specifically for CES, but toilet tissue brand Charmin became notorious for this 2020 entry. That’s right, in the year that saw the mass panic buying of toilet paper came a robot that could bring you even more! Coincidence? Yes… probably. The RollBot was never going to be a real product, but we loved/loathed it anyway.

Read more: These Charmin Robots Make Us Wonder: Is Pooping the Next Tech Frontier?

Kolibree Smart Toothbrush

Remember when we had to wash our hands for 20 seconds by singing songs to ourselves? The same methodology also applies to brushing your teeth, but why should you use your own brain and lips like a sucker? There have been many smart toothbrushes over the years, but today I’m picking on the Kolibree. Everything was just fine until the arrival of «the world’s first connected electric toothbrush.» Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…

Read more: Kolibree’s Connected Toothbrush Aims for Better Dental Health

Taser MP3 Holster

Back in the 2000s, the iPod became such a cultural phenomenon that every company rushed to create an MP3 player of its own. This culminated in what is one of the dumbest CES products in recent memory: the Tazer MP3 holster. Imagine trying to not only charge your holster but also connect it via USB to your computer to fill it up with 1GB of tunes.

Read more: What Every Taser Needs: A Music-Playing Holster

Pepe Pet Dryer

Want to find a new way to make your small dog or cat hate you forever? Lock them in a cube prison for 25 minutes (!) and subject them to gusts of hot air. This combination torture device/dryer would have set you back $660, or you could just throw a towel over your wet dog like a normal human.

Read more: At CES 2019, a $660 Sauna Will Give Your Dog the Blow Dry of His Life

HapiFork

Throughout history, there have been so many gadgets designed to limit normal human behavior, but this one takes the (pan)cake. The HapiFork is yet another vibrating gadget that tells you to eat your meals slower (over 20 minutes), with the idea being that you are less likely to overeat. Personally, I wolf my own meals down like I’m in prison, so do your worst, HapiFork. I’ll eat with my hands if I have to! You’re not the boss of me!

Read more: Bolting Your Food? Put On the Brakes With HapiFork

Hushme

The Hushme is literally a «dumb» product — it’s designed to make its user mute to other people in the immediate vicinity. It was pitched as being useful in workplaces, but… if a co-worker gave me one of these, they’d better be wearing vacuum shoes, in order to clean up the gleefully stomped-on bits.

Read more: Hushme May Be the Weirdest, Yet Most Useful Wireless Headphones Ever Created

Belty

The original Belty was a prototype smart belt with a motor in it that adjusted itself to whether you just ate or were sitting down. Impractical as hell, but kind of cool? While there is a newer model, also called Belty, this one is even weirder — there’s no auto-sizing, but it does have a power bank charger in the buckle. OK, two things. Not only do I not want a potentially volatile compound near my nethers, I don’t want to connect a series of devices there either.

Read more: Meet Belty, the Ridiculous but Strangely Popular Show-Stealer of CES Unveiled

Xybernaut Poma

First shown off at CES 1998, the Hitachi Xybernaut wearable computer was a terrible idea long before Google Glass was even a gleam in Babak Parviz’s eye. The Windows CE-based Xybernaut Poma offered a 128MHz RISC processor and 32MB of RAM for the low price of $1,499, plus it strapped to your arm and your face and your belt!

Read more: Hitachi Fashioning Wearable PCs

Denso Vacuum Shoes

Shoes. You wear ’em. They wear out, you buy more. But that’s not exciting now, is it? They need things in them — phones, rockets, rollers and… vacuums? There are so many puns I could make about even just the name of the Denso Vacuum Shoes, but the fact that they existed at all was the biggest joke of all.

Read more: Vacuum Cleaner Shoes Show Up at CES Because Why Not

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Technologies

Pope Francis’ Funeral: How to Stream Live or Watch the Replay

Here’s how to stream the pope’s funeral very early Saturday, and what you can expect to see during the service.

After a week of global mourning for Pope Francis, who died on Monday at age 88, the pope’s funeral will be celebrated on Saturday . Francis’ funeral will be held Saturday at 10 a.m. local time at St. Peter’s Square in Vatican City (which is very, very early if you’re tuning in from the US or Canada), and he will be laid to rest at the Papal Basilica of St. Mary Major in Rome. 

The Vatican will be livestreaming the papal funeral and procession, though not the burial, on its YouTube channel as it happens. The funeral will also be televised live on CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox, as well as on streaming services like Disney Plus, Hulu, Peacock and Paramount Plus. Due to the time difference, it seems likely that many interested North American viewers will catch it when it’s replayed later on Saturday. Numerous networks will rebroadcast the service later that day.

If you choose to stay up, or get up early, here’s when the live broadcast of the pope’s funeral will air in your time zone in the continental US on April 26:

  • ET: 4 a.m.
  • CT: 3 a.m.
  • MT: 2 a.m.
  • PT: 1 a.m.

The papacy of Pope Francis was notable for the progressive reforms he brought to the Roman Catholic Church. He appointed more than half of the current College of Cardinals and attempted to foster more positive attitudes toward members of the LGBT community and migrants worldwide.

What to expect from the funeral 

The funeral will follow many rituals, though not all traditional protocols will be followed. Most popes are buried in St. Peter’s Basilica or its grottoes, but the AP reports Francis chose the St. Mary Major Basilica to reflect his veneration of an icon of the Virgin Mary that is located there, the Salus Populi Romani (Salvation of the People of Rome).

His funeral will be less elaborate than those of other popes per his own wishes. Francis simplified papal funeral rites last year, permitting his burial outside the Vatican, and emphasizing his role as a bishop rather than as pope (the pope is also the Bishop of Rome).

Previous popes were buried in three coffins: one of cypress, one of lead and one of oak. Francis requested to be buried in a single wooden, zinc-lined coffin and not to be placed in an elevated bier as other popes were.

The coffin will be taken from St Peter’s Basilica and placed on a dais in St Peter’s Square, where Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re will lead the service. After the service, the coffin will return to St Peter’s Basilica before it is carried across the River Tiber and to the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major for burial. The ceremony is estimated to end around 2 p.m. local time, or four hours after it begins.

Pope Francis’ funeral Mass will be the first of nine Masses held daily at St. Peter’s until May 4. This is an ancient tradition of the Catholic Church that observes nine days of consecutive mourning. According to Vatican News, a different group of mourners will participate each day, though the Eucharistic celebrations are open to everyone.

Who will attend Pope Francis’ funeral?

Hundreds of people, including world leaders and royals, are expected to attend Pope Francis’ funeral. 

US president Donald Trump confirmed on his Truth Social Platform that he and first lady Melania Trump will be at the funeral. This will be Trump’s first foreign trip in his second term. He is expected to have a seat in the third row, though the Vatican has yet to release an official seating chart. It is tradition for the first row of seats to go to Catholic royalty, and the second row to non-Catholic royals.

Prince William, who is attending on behalf of King Charles, will sit in the second row, which is reserved for non-Catholic royals. Former president Joe Biden and first lady Jill Biden, devout Catholics, will also attend the funeral.

Conclave: What happens next to choose the new pope

After Pope Francis’ funeral, the cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church will vote on his successor in an assembly of cardinals known as a conclave.

There are many matters for the cardinals to settle before the conclave begins, but once it does, it can take days or even weeks to conclude. Two-thirds of the cardinals’ votes are required to elect the next pope. The conclave occurs behind closed doors and the vote tally is never made public.

Read more: Where to Watch Conclave, the Vatican Thriller About Electing a New Pope

Look for the white smoke

The ballots are burned after each round, and chemicals are added to the flames to produce black smoke if there’s no majority. When a new pope has been selected, the chemicals will be added to the flames so they produce white smoke. Crowds gather in St. Peter’s Square to watch for the results.

If you’re fascinated by the process, you can watch a dramatized version of the events in 2024 film Conclave.

In the movie, Ralph Fiennes stars as Cardinal Thomas Lawrence, who spearheads the election of the next pope while investigating rumors about potential candidates. The film is based on the 2016 novel by Robert Harris and is completely fictional — though it does represent some of the events of how actual papal conclaves take place. In March, the film won the Academy Award for best adapted screenplay.

You can stream Conclave on Amazon Prime Video, or rent it for $6 on Apple TV, Fandango at Home, YouTube or Google Play Movies.

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Technologies

Today’s NYT Connections Hints, Answers and Help for April 26, #685

Hints and answers for Connections for April 26, #685.

Looking for the most recent Connections answers? Click here for today’s Connections hints, as well as our daily answers and hints for The New York Times Mini Crossword, Wordle, Connections: Sports Edition and Strands puzzles.

Today’s Connections puzzle features a lot of short words, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. That purple category requires a lot of thinking — probably most people will solve it only by solving the other three and having four words left over. Read on for clues and today’s Connections answers.

The Times now has a Connections Bot, like the one for Wordle. Go there after you play to receive a numeric score and to have the program analyze your answers. Players who are registered with the Times Games section can now nerd out by following their progress, including number of puzzles completed, win rate, number of times they nabbed a perfect score and their win streak.

Read more: Hints, Tips and Strategies to Help You Win at NYT Connections Every Time

Hints for today’s Connections groups

Here are four hints for the groupings in today’s Connections puzzle, ranked from the easiest yellow group to the tough (and sometimes bizarre) purple group.

Yellow group hint: Rainbow.

Green group hint: San Fernando ____.

Blue group hint: Think Robert.

Purple group hint: Mixed-up hue words.

Answers for today’s Connections groups

Yellow group: Tint.

Green group: Valley.

Blue group: Bobs.

Purple group: Color anagrams.

Read more: Wordle Cheat Sheet: Here Are the Most Popular Letters Used in English Words

What are today’s Connections answers?

The yellow words in today’s Connections

The theme is tint. The four answers are color, hue, shade and tone.

The green words in today’s Connections

The theme is valley. The four answers are dale, dell, glen and hollow.

The blue words in today’s Connections

The theme is Bobs. The four answers are Dole, Hope, Marley and Ross.

The purple words in today’s Connections

The theme is color anagrams. The four answers are Dre (red), Gary (gray), genre (green) and lube (blue).

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Technologies

Today’s NYT Connections: Sports Edition Hints and Answers for April 26, #215

Hints and answers for the NYT Connections: Sports Edition puzzle, No. 215, for Saturday, April 26.

Looking for the most recent regular Connections answers? Click here for today’s Connections hints, as well as our daily answers and hints for The New York Times Mini Crossword, Wordle and Strands puzzles.

Connections: Sports Edition is tough today. The purple category theme threw me because of one phrase I didn’t know. And let’s hope you’re familiar with college coach surnames. Read on for hints and the answers.

Connections: Sports Edition is out of beta now, making its debut on Super Bowl Sunday, Feb. 9. That’s a sign that the game has earned enough loyal players that The Athletic, the subscription-based sports journalism site owned by the Times, will continue to publish it. It doesn’t show up in the NYT Games app but now appears in The Athletic’s own app. Or you can continue to play it free online.  

Read more: NYT Connections: Sports Edition Puzzle Comes Out of Beta

Hints for today’s Connections: Sports Edition groups

Here are four hints for the groupings in today’s Connections: Sports Edition puzzle, ranked from the easiest yellow group to the tough (and sometimes bizarre) purple group.

Yellow group hint: Try to achieve.

Green group hint: Move through it.

Blue group hint: Sideline bosses.

Purple group hint: Like a carton.

Answers for today’s Connections: Sports Edition groups

Yellow group: What one strives for.

Green group: Room to run.

Blue group: College football coaches.

Purple group: Box ____.

Read more: Wordle Cheat Sheet: Here Are the Most Popular Letters Used in English Words

What are today’s Connections: Sports Edition answers?

The yellow words in today’s Connections

The theme is what one strives for. The four answers are aim, goal, objective and target.

The green words in today’s Connections

The theme is room to run. The four answers are gap, hole, opening and space.

The blue words in today’s Connections

The theme is college football coaches. The four answers are Day, Lanning, Smart and Stoops.

The purple words in today’s Connections

The theme is box ____. The four answers are lacrosse, office, score and seat.

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