Technologies

How to Talk to a Loved One Who Has Dementia: Never Say ‘No’

Holiday gatherings can mean communicating with relatives who have memory loss. An expert offers her best tips.

This story is part of Mysteries of the Brain, CNET’s deep dive into the human brain’s infinite complexities.

I’ll never forget the last real conversation I had with my wonderful late mother-in-law, Grace. She’d had Alzheimer’s disease for a number of years, and making a call on her smartphone was getting tough for her. So I was surprised to see her name pop up on my screen, calling me on a random Thursday night in the fall of 2021.

«Are you watching 60 Minutes?» she asked.

I paused. I hadn’t watched the news-magazine show in decades, but I knew it aired on Sunday nights, not Thursdays. I also knew how confused Alzheimer’s had made my mother-in-law.

Before her illness, she’d always kept up with the news and had strong opinions on politics — even campaigning for John F. Kennedy when he ran for president in the 1960s. She kept her mind active well into her 80s by doing the daily crossword puzzle in her favorite newspaper, The Los Angeles Times, and she loved to discuss new books with me.

But Alzheimer’s had robbed her of her focus, and often her words. I knew how hard that was for her, how she became frustrated to the point of tears when she couldn’t make herself understood. If she thought she was watching 60 Minutes on a night it wasn’t on, I was not about to disagree with her.

«Yes, I’m watching 60 Minutes!» I said instantly.

It was the right answer. In a happy, satisfied voice, she said, «They’re a nice couple, aren’t they?»

Couple? Who was the couple? Mike Wallace and Morley Safer? Weren’t they dead? It didn’t matter.

«Yes!» I said.

«OK, I’ll let you go now,» she said, and the call was over. Grace died about a month later, at age 85. She’d moved from her two-bedroom California condominium into a beautiful assisted-living facility just eight months earlier, barely getting a chance to enjoy its hair salon, field trips and other amenities.

Her health deteriorated quickly, and she soon needed 24-hour care. We moved her from the hospital to a board-and-care home run by a compassionate Russian doctor, and she lived there for just one week before passing away.

Every day, I’m thankful I agreed with her during that phone call. In her world, she was watching a «nice couple» on 60 Minutes on a Thursday night, and I knew enough about her dementia to try to enter the world she inhabited.

‘I’ve got your back’

Diana Waugh knows just how hard it can be to speak to someone with cognitive loss, whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy body dementia or another condition. Waugh is a veteran nurse and a certified dementia practitioner. Her business, Waugh Consulting, focuses on giving caregivers and family members the tools to communicate with loved ones suffering from dementia.

But Waugh didn’t always know how to do this. Her own mother, Iona Kiser, suffered from dementia and died in 2008 at 95.

«I did everything wrong,» Waugh says. «I was less than successful with her.»

Since then, Waugh has published a short book, I Was Thinking: Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones With Cognitive Loss. She’s spoken to countless caregivers, and produced numerous videos explaining her approach.

Waugh says she can sum up her philosophy about conversations with them in one phrase: «I’ve got your back.» She also holds strong feelings about the word «no» — saying caregivers shouldn’t use it. And she encourages caregivers to divert potentially troubling conversations to focus on old memories their loved one can easily discuss, as opposed to trying to quiz them on new information their brains just can’t access.

Her work won’t give her that time with her mom back, but she’s helped numerous other people along the way.

Sheila Qualls’ 86-year-old mother has dementia, and Qualls has been working with Waugh on how to better communicate with her mom.

«I miss my mom, but Diana taught me how to ‘access’ her,» Qualls says. «Her techniques have made a huge difference in how we respond to my mother and have changed our lives.»

Short-term-memory drawer has no bottom

Waugh explains that your loved one’s memory has two «file drawers» — short-term and long-term memory. The items in long-term memory are generally still accessible. But the file drawer that should collect short-term memories has no bottom. The memories simply can’t stay put.

«So if you ask [a person with memory loss] to go to lunch with you tomorrow, they put that in the short-term drawer [and it’s forgotten],» Waugh says. «You show up, they’re still in pajamas. A smart person says, ‘Let’s go anyway.'»

The person with dementia can’t tell you how they feel today, Waugh explains, since that involves short-term memory. But they can tell you «how it felt when they hurt their knee at age 40.»

Tap into long-term memory

That’s exactly why Waugh encourages caregivers to tap into their loved one’s long-term memory whenever possible. Her slim book has a number of workbook pages where she encourages people to write down memories they can bring up with their loved one. What did they like to taste? To listen to? To touch?

Always have three stories at the ready, Waugh tells clients, and then use them to keep the impacted loved one in the conversation. Bring up those old memories and encourage them to talk about those things.

Qualls says this tactic works.

«My mom may not remember who I am, but when I begin talking about her childhood or my childhood experiences, she can engage right away,» she says.

It can also be helpful to show photos to your loved one, but «make sure they’re old photos,» Waugh warns. A new great-great-granddaughter may be cute, but it’s unlikely a person with cognitive loss will have any idea who that baby is.

Divert and redirect

Waugh tells a story of a woman who moved her elderly father from Nashville to Houston and worried he’d want to return to his familiar barn, which was now several states away.

In such a scenario, instead of telling him no, that his beloved barn was gone, Waugh says caregivers should calmly use the barn as a jumping-off place to get the man talking.

«Say, ‘I was thinking about that one racehorse you had,» Waugh says. «And once they start [talking], let them go.»

Qualls found this method valuable as well.

«Diana also taught me how to answer questions when my mother wonders where my father is,» Qualls said. «Divert and redirect. Works like a charm. Diana taught me to enter my mom’s world instead of trying to bring her into my reality.»

Taking away the car keys

Many people first tune in to cognitive loss when they realize their loved one can no longer drive safely. But how to get them to give up the keys? You might be tempted to lie and say their car is broken.

That doesn’t work, Waugh says. If the loved one is early on in their cognitive loss, «they’ll call AAA to get that ‘broken’ car fixed.»

Instead, she suggests telling them about a scary incident you recently experienced on the roads, or claim you recently got lost while driving. These kinds of stories might hit home with someone who’s almost certainly beginning to notice problems. You might also be able to convince them a family member needs to use their car for a while, just to have an excuse for why it’s suddenly inaccessible.

Here’s what to never say

Waugh encourages caregivers to avoid one word: no.

«‘No’ doesn’t do a darn bit of good,» she says, explaining that the word only angers the loved one. If you can divert the conversation instead, the person will likely forget the diversion in five minutes and happily move on. But if you make them mad by telling them «no,» they’ll be mad for the rest of the day, she says.

Waugh understands why frustrated caregivers might be tempted to say no. Their loved one might be insisting they need to get to work when they haven’t held a job in years.

By saying «no,» the caregiver is hoping, she says, to bring the person back to reality by denying their «erroneous thinking.» But the person they love is living in their own reality, and the caregiver will need to keep saying «no» over and over again, increasing stress on the relationship.

Avoiding «no» makes sense, but Waugh also says caregivers shouldn’t say, «Do you remember?» What may seem a gentle prompt can be seen as a demanding quiz to someone losing their memory.

«It’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull,» Waugh says. «The person likely does not remember whatever it is, and asking them to do so puts them under pressure they no longer know how to handle.»

What to say instead

Instead, Waugh encourages people to use a phrase from the title of her book, «I was thinking…» as a starter to encourage memories. If a loved one tells you they have to get to work, although they haven’t had a job in years, calmly say, «I was thinking…» and then launch into some detail about a job they once had.

If it suddenly occurs to them they’ve lost a loved one — even if that happened years ago, you might start off with «I was thinking…» and then relate a happy memory about that loved one’s pie-baking skills.

Successfully communicating with loved ones who have dementia can be wrenchingly hard. Waugh knows that only too well.

«We need to stop looking at [our loved ones] as we always have,» Waugh writes in her book. «When we change our expectations, we can find them as they are. We can have meaningful conversations. Our relationship, though different, will be so much more fulfilling. It will provide us with happy memories of the latter part of their lives.»

Technologies

McDonald’s Snack Wraps Are Back but Was It Worth the Wait?

Review: McDonald’s Chicken Snack Wraps are back and I sampled both varieties on release day. Here’s what I think.

McDonald’s Snack Wraps, a chicken-tortilla entree that’s been missing from US locations of the Golden Arches, flew back into US restaurants on July 10 — and after all this build-up, I had to try both flavor varieties right away.

McDonald’s Snack Wraps first came out in 2006 and were meant to be a chicken item that would appeal to drive-thru customers because they’re less messy to eat while traveling. Both of the two varieties include white-meat chicken strips known as McCrispy Strips wrapped in a flour tortilla with shredded cheese and lettuce. McCrispy Strips are a reworked version of a chicken item formerly known as Chicken Selects.

McDonald’s Ranch Snack Wrap is worth the wait

If there’s a basic or classic version of the two Snack Wrap varieties offered, it’s the Ranch Snack Wrap. It consists of one McCrispy chicken strip wrapped in a flour tortilla, sprinkled with shredded lettuce and shredded cheese, and lightly doused with the chain’s McCrispy Ranch Sauce.

Honestly, I was a little worried that the Ranch Snack Wrap wouldn’t live up to all the hype. Two days before the McDonald’s wraps came out, I tried out the very similar chicken snack wraps at Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, another fast-food franchise that’s jumped on the snack wrap bandwagon. And they were delicious — but then, chicken is Popeyes’ reason for being. Those wraps were so good, in fact, that I wondered if McDonald’s, not a chicken franchise by nature, could possibly compete.

Good news: The McDonald’s Ranch Snack Wrap is delicious, and just about as good as Popeyes’ version. You’ll notice right away that it’s weirdly designed. The tortilla is huge compared to the relatively small chicken piece, and if you don’t slide the chicken up your first few mouthfuls will be plain tortilla and little else.

But the chicken is fresh and juicy, the cheese and lettuce are decent add-ons and the ranch sauce brings in a creamy taste of herbs and spices that blends well with the chicken. Note that the sauce delivery was kind of hit-or-miss, so you might want to add a shot of your own ranch dressing if you want an even distribution of sauce.

But it’s McDonald’s, not a fancy Michelin-starred eatery, so who expects perfection? If I was eating at McDonald’s, I’d order the Ranch Snack Wrap over either a basic burger or a McChicken sandwich every day of the week.

Grade: A

McDonald’s Spicy Snack Wrap review: Sauce is the weak spot

The Spicy Snack Wrap also features one McCrispy chicken strip inside a flour tortilla, again sprinkled with shredded lettuce and cheese. But this time, the sauce is McDonald’s orangey Spicy Pepper Sauce. And that’s the problem.

I love spice, often adding Sriracha or hot honey to my sandwiches, but I actively disliked the McD Spicy Pepper Sauce. It was overly sweet and dominated each mouthful, so while the chicken itself was the same crispy juicy strip as in the Ranch Snack Wrap, its taste was buried. There’s no question that it comes with a kick, though — I was still feeling the heat 20 minutes after lunch.

If I ordered McDonald’s Snack Wraps again, I’d stick to the Ranch Snack Wraps and pass on the Spicy Snack Wraps. But if you want to try both, I noticed on McDonald’s app that you can order a mix-and-match meal including one Ranch Snack Wrap, one Spicy Snack Wrap, fries and a drink.

Grade: B-

Fans have Snack Wrap fever

Zach Ciampa, who regularly covers new food releases under the social-media handle Snach With Zach, said there’s been an intense fan base out there for the wraps.

«Regarding McDonald’s Snack Wrap, it’s by far the most requested item I’ve ever seen my audience ask or demand to come back,» he told CNET. «Not just the most requested in recent memory but the most requested of all time. And that’s not limited to McDonald’s.»

Read more: Review: McDonald’s Minecraft Meals Feature The Hottest Nugget Sauce Ever

Ciampa said the only similar fast-food items that come close to the same level of interest are Dairy Queen’s S’mores Blizzard and Taco Bell’s Caramel Apple Empanada, both of which have made recent returns.

McDonald’s is riding a viral wave. The fast-food chain’s Minecraft Happy Meals and adult Minecraft Meals hit restaurants on April 1 and sold out quickly.

A recent analysis by VegasInsider.com found that the Snack Wrap was by far the most searched for discontinued McDonald’s menu item of 2025.

What you need to know about Snack Wraps

Release date and time: The Snack Wraps are at participating McDonald’s now. You can order on the McDonald’s app, in restaurants, or in drive-thrus.

Price: At my local restaurant, Snack Wraps are priced at $3 apiece and a meal including fries and a drink was listed at $12. Prices may vary by location, A co-worker said Snack Wrap meals were $10.50 at his New York City McDonald’s.

Varieties: You can order a Snack Wrap in Spicy, which features a habanero-pepper kick, or Ranch, which features a burst of cool ranch sauce.

Technologies

Here’s the Mystery Flavor of McDonald’s New Pink and Blue Shake

The crazy-colorful shake is part of the McDonaldland Meal, which is like a (pricey) Happy Meal for adults. And now I know the flavor.

I tried the McDonaldland Meal at my local McD’s on Aug. 12, the day it came out. And I don’t want to say that I’ve been thinking about the mystery flavor of its pink-and-blue Mt. McDonaldland shake ever since, because that would make me sound truly bizarre, but…I have pondered it.

When I tasted the shake, I guessed it was maybe blue raspberry, maybe cotton candy, maybe mixed berry. It’s sweet but not sickeningly so, though I’d never order it again. (I’m a chocolate fan.)

But I kind of wanted to know what the mystery flavor was. And now I do: According to McDonald’s Canada’s own nutrition page for the shake, the blue beauty features a «mix of creamy vanilla soft serve and raspberry flavored syrup.» (I tried to confirm this on the US nutrition page, but it just spun and spun and never loaded. Get on that, Ronald.)

RASPBERRY! The Mt. McDonaldland shake is raspberry flavor! And it’s blue in color, so my guess of blue raspberry was correct! Raspberry is the hot fast-food flavor these days, as Starbucks just brought back its much-loved raspberry drink syrup in late July.

If you’re wondering what I’m even talking about, McDonald’s continues to capitalize on the love of its customers for the company’s goofy history. Recently, Happy Meals included McDonald’s-themed toys — such as drink machines, fryers and trays with food on them — delivered in mini-Happy Meal boxes. And the much-longed-for Snack Wraps finally returned after a viral fan campaign.

The McDonaldland Meal goes straight after that market of adults who have a nostalgic feeling for the Golden Arches. It’s not cheap — here in high-cost-of-living Seattle, the medium meal was $16.59 and the large was $18.29.

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You can choose from a Quarter Pounder with cheese or a 10-piece McNugget order. It also comes with the chain’s famous french fries and your choice of drink. But the specialty drink that’s made to go with the meal is called that mystery-until-now-flavored Mt. McDonaldland shake, and it’s a blazing blue color, topped with hot pink whipped cream. It’s supposed to look like a volcano, with the pink cream as lava, I guess.

You can order the shake without the meal if you just want to try it. If you don’t want to try it, you can choose a regular drink or another flavor of shake with your McDonaldland meal.

Read more: Review: McDonald’s Minecraft Meals Feature The Hottest Nugget Sauce Ever

I sampled the hot pink whipped cream by itself, and it seemed to have no flavor, so maybe they just took regular whipped cream and dyed it pink.

Instead of a simple toy, the McDonaldland Meal comes with a 5-by-7-inch tin with one of the McDonaldland mascot characters on it. I ended up with Hamburglar, who, after Grimace, would probably have been my choice.

Tins come embossed with Hamburglar, Grimace, Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird and the Fry Guys. Honestly, I’m not sure what anyone would do with this tin, but it was definitely a classier included item than most of the Happy Meal toys.

Inside the tin is a card with a code you can scan to explore McDonaldland online, an ID card for your particular character, two postcards and four stickers. One of my stickers said «robble robble,» the Hamburglar’s favorite saying, and one read, «Keep up! Hamburglar and I are mid-heist.» I can’t really imagine anyone putting these on their water bottle or laptop, but to each their own.

Honestly, unless McDonald’s nostalgia is your thing, I’d recommend you just stick to ordering your usual at the Golden Arches and skipping the meal. But if you just don’t get enough blue and pink food in your life — and who does? — try the Mt. McDonaldland shake once, pass it around to let your friends make them guess the flavor before you smugly deliver the big reveal, and then go back to chocolate or another good old standard flavor.

Technologies

A $101 Discount Means This PlayStation VR 2 Bundle Has Never Been Cheaper

Grab a top-rated VR headset and one of its best games for just $299 with this incredible remaining Cyber Monday bargain.

Listing at $299, the Meta Quest 3S is the most affordable way to dip your toes into the world of VR. But for high-end console gaming, the PlayStation VR 2 is the way to go. It’s a little pricier than the competition at $400, but this remaining Cyber Monday deal drops it down to a new record low.

Both Amazon and Walmart have the Horizon Call of the Mountain bundle on sale for just $299 right now. That means you’ll save $101 on the headset and also get one of the best PSVR 2 games for free. We don’t expect this deal to last for long since most sales have ended, though, so be sure to take advantage of these savings while you still can.

It’s important to note that you’ll also need a PS5 console to use the PSVR 2 headset, but thankfully they are also on sale right now. You can grab the digital-only PS5 Slim for just $400, which is $100 off the usual price.

The PSVR 2 features heightened Sense technology with eye tracking, 3D audio, haptic feedback, adaptive triggers and touch detection. Its enhanced eye tracking and haptics set it apart from the Quest headset, though the Meta system can be standalone and is more versatile.

Sony has not been amazing at supporting its PSVR 2 headset with first-party titles, but there are plenty of third-party games to play. Additionally, you can pick up an adapter to use it on a PC. All in all, it makes for a great gift this holiday season. And for $299, this is a sizable drop in price compared to when it launched.

Why this deal matters

Because you need both a PS5 console and the headset, investing in a PSVR 2 can be pretty pricey. But if you are looking to grab one, now is the time to do so. Not only is this the all-time lowest price we’ve seen on the Horizon Call of the Mountain bundle, but now you also have a rare chance to grab a PS5 console on sale.