Technologies

How to Talk to a Loved One Who Has Dementia: Never Say ‘No’

Holiday gatherings can mean communicating with relatives who have memory loss. An expert offers her best tips.

This story is part of Mysteries of the Brain, CNET’s deep dive into the human brain’s infinite complexities.

I’ll never forget the last real conversation I had with my wonderful late mother-in-law, Grace. She’d had Alzheimer’s disease for a number of years, and making a call on her smartphone was getting tough for her. So I was surprised to see her name pop up on my screen, calling me on a random Thursday night in the fall of 2021.

«Are you watching 60 Minutes?» she asked.

I paused. I hadn’t watched the news-magazine show in decades, but I knew it aired on Sunday nights, not Thursdays. I also knew how confused Alzheimer’s had made my mother-in-law.

Before her illness, she’d always kept up with the news and had strong opinions on politics — even campaigning for John F. Kennedy when he ran for president in the 1960s. She kept her mind active well into her 80s by doing the daily crossword puzzle in her favorite newspaper, The Los Angeles Times, and she loved to discuss new books with me.

But Alzheimer’s had robbed her of her focus, and often her words. I knew how hard that was for her, how she became frustrated to the point of tears when she couldn’t make herself understood. If she thought she was watching 60 Minutes on a night it wasn’t on, I was not about to disagree with her.

«Yes, I’m watching 60 Minutes!» I said instantly.

It was the right answer. In a happy, satisfied voice, she said, «They’re a nice couple, aren’t they?»

Couple? Who was the couple? Mike Wallace and Morley Safer? Weren’t they dead? It didn’t matter.

«Yes!» I said.

«OK, I’ll let you go now,» she said, and the call was over. Grace died about a month later, at age 85. She’d moved from her two-bedroom California condominium into a beautiful assisted-living facility just eight months earlier, barely getting a chance to enjoy its hair salon, field trips and other amenities.

Her health deteriorated quickly, and she soon needed 24-hour care. We moved her from the hospital to a board-and-care home run by a compassionate Russian doctor, and she lived there for just one week before passing away.

Every day, I’m thankful I agreed with her during that phone call. In her world, she was watching a «nice couple» on 60 Minutes on a Thursday night, and I knew enough about her dementia to try to enter the world she inhabited.

‘I’ve got your back’

Diana Waugh knows just how hard it can be to speak to someone with cognitive loss, whether it’s Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy body dementia or another condition. Waugh is a veteran nurse and a certified dementia practitioner. Her business, Waugh Consulting, focuses on giving caregivers and family members the tools to communicate with loved ones suffering from dementia.

But Waugh didn’t always know how to do this. Her own mother, Iona Kiser, suffered from dementia and died in 2008 at 95.

«I did everything wrong,» Waugh says. «I was less than successful with her.»

Since then, Waugh has published a short book, I Was Thinking: Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones With Cognitive Loss. She’s spoken to countless caregivers, and produced numerous videos explaining her approach.

Waugh says she can sum up her philosophy about conversations with them in one phrase: «I’ve got your back.» She also holds strong feelings about the word «no» — saying caregivers shouldn’t use it. And she encourages caregivers to divert potentially troubling conversations to focus on old memories their loved one can easily discuss, as opposed to trying to quiz them on new information their brains just can’t access.

Her work won’t give her that time with her mom back, but she’s helped numerous other people along the way.

Sheila Qualls’ 86-year-old mother has dementia, and Qualls has been working with Waugh on how to better communicate with her mom.

«I miss my mom, but Diana taught me how to ‘access’ her,» Qualls says. «Her techniques have made a huge difference in how we respond to my mother and have changed our lives.»

Short-term-memory drawer has no bottom

Waugh explains that your loved one’s memory has two «file drawers» — short-term and long-term memory. The items in long-term memory are generally still accessible. But the file drawer that should collect short-term memories has no bottom. The memories simply can’t stay put.

«So if you ask [a person with memory loss] to go to lunch with you tomorrow, they put that in the short-term drawer [and it’s forgotten],» Waugh says. «You show up, they’re still in pajamas. A smart person says, ‘Let’s go anyway.'»

The person with dementia can’t tell you how they feel today, Waugh explains, since that involves short-term memory. But they can tell you «how it felt when they hurt their knee at age 40.»

Tap into long-term memory

That’s exactly why Waugh encourages caregivers to tap into their loved one’s long-term memory whenever possible. Her slim book has a number of workbook pages where she encourages people to write down memories they can bring up with their loved one. What did they like to taste? To listen to? To touch?

Always have three stories at the ready, Waugh tells clients, and then use them to keep the impacted loved one in the conversation. Bring up those old memories and encourage them to talk about those things.

Qualls says this tactic works.

«My mom may not remember who I am, but when I begin talking about her childhood or my childhood experiences, she can engage right away,» she says.

It can also be helpful to show photos to your loved one, but «make sure they’re old photos,» Waugh warns. A new great-great-granddaughter may be cute, but it’s unlikely a person with cognitive loss will have any idea who that baby is.

Divert and redirect

Waugh tells a story of a woman who moved her elderly father from Nashville to Houston and worried he’d want to return to his familiar barn, which was now several states away.

In such a scenario, instead of telling him no, that his beloved barn was gone, Waugh says caregivers should calmly use the barn as a jumping-off place to get the man talking.

«Say, ‘I was thinking about that one racehorse you had,» Waugh says. «And once they start [talking], let them go.»

Qualls found this method valuable as well.

«Diana also taught me how to answer questions when my mother wonders where my father is,» Qualls said. «Divert and redirect. Works like a charm. Diana taught me to enter my mom’s world instead of trying to bring her into my reality.»

Taking away the car keys

Many people first tune in to cognitive loss when they realize their loved one can no longer drive safely. But how to get them to give up the keys? You might be tempted to lie and say their car is broken.

That doesn’t work, Waugh says. If the loved one is early on in their cognitive loss, «they’ll call AAA to get that ‘broken’ car fixed.»

Instead, she suggests telling them about a scary incident you recently experienced on the roads, or claim you recently got lost while driving. These kinds of stories might hit home with someone who’s almost certainly beginning to notice problems. You might also be able to convince them a family member needs to use their car for a while, just to have an excuse for why it’s suddenly inaccessible.

Here’s what to never say

Waugh encourages caregivers to avoid one word: no.

«‘No’ doesn’t do a darn bit of good,» she says, explaining that the word only angers the loved one. If you can divert the conversation instead, the person will likely forget the diversion in five minutes and happily move on. But if you make them mad by telling them «no,» they’ll be mad for the rest of the day, she says.

Waugh understands why frustrated caregivers might be tempted to say no. Their loved one might be insisting they need to get to work when they haven’t held a job in years.

By saying «no,» the caregiver is hoping, she says, to bring the person back to reality by denying their «erroneous thinking.» But the person they love is living in their own reality, and the caregiver will need to keep saying «no» over and over again, increasing stress on the relationship.

Avoiding «no» makes sense, but Waugh also says caregivers shouldn’t say, «Do you remember?» What may seem a gentle prompt can be seen as a demanding quiz to someone losing their memory.

«It’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull,» Waugh says. «The person likely does not remember whatever it is, and asking them to do so puts them under pressure they no longer know how to handle.»

What to say instead

Instead, Waugh encourages people to use a phrase from the title of her book, «I was thinking…» as a starter to encourage memories. If a loved one tells you they have to get to work, although they haven’t had a job in years, calmly say, «I was thinking…» and then launch into some detail about a job they once had.

If it suddenly occurs to them they’ve lost a loved one — even if that happened years ago, you might start off with «I was thinking…» and then relate a happy memory about that loved one’s pie-baking skills.

Successfully communicating with loved ones who have dementia can be wrenchingly hard. Waugh knows that only too well.

«We need to stop looking at [our loved ones] as we always have,» Waugh writes in her book. «When we change our expectations, we can find them as they are. We can have meaningful conversations. Our relationship, though different, will be so much more fulfilling. It will provide us with happy memories of the latter part of their lives.»

Technologies

Scouts Can Now Earn a Merit Badge for AI

Scouting America has also created an AI chatbot to explain the requirements for the different merit badges.

Scouts are doing more than tying knots, building fires and learning first aid. Scouting America has added artificial intelligence and cybersecurity to its lineup of merit badges, keeping the 115-year-old organization in step with modern technology.

Scouting America is the youth organization that was known as Boy Scouts of America before 2019, when it changed its name to Scouts BSA and allowed girls to join all-girl troops. In February, the organization changed its name to Scouting America to reflect a more-inclusive philosophy.

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The AI merit badge «will introduce scouts to the fundamentals of AI and automation through hands-on activities and real-world examples,» according to Scouting America’s website, while the cybersecurity merit badge «equips Scouts with essential knowledge and skills to navigate and protect the digital world.»

While many of the merit badges seen on individual Scouts’ iconic sashes focus on hands-on experiences, often in the outdoors — such as fire safety and insect study — Scouting America says the new additions are relevant to modern life.

«Both badges focus on real-world practice, not just reading about technology,» Scouting America said in a statement. «The AI badge gets Scouts thinking about how to use technology responsibly. The cybersecurity badge teaches actual security skills along with safe online habits.»

Scouting America added another modern twist. The organization recently released an AI chatbot named Scoutly that can share the requirements for the various merit badges, among other tasks. Scouts can earn more than 130 badges in different subjects.

Scouting America is the largest scouting organization and one of the largest youth organizations in the United States, with over 1 million youth, including nearly 200,000 female participants.

Technologies

The Ultimate AI Wearable Is a Piece of Tech You Already Own

Commentary: Tech companies are trying to give us dedicated AI devices. There’s no need — we all have them already.

In some quarters, the rise of AI has sparked the urge to invent all-new devices, which are deeply invested in that technology but which look and function differently from any products we’ve owned before.

These range from head-mounted XR devices, such as headsets and glasses, to pins, necklaces, phone accessories and whatever mystery product former Apple designer Jony Ive and OpenAI are developing in secret.

But what if, in pursuit of these new devices, we overlook the fact that the ultimate AI form factor is something we all already own? It could even be that the best way to deploy AI is through tech that dates back to the 19th century.

I’m talking about headphones.

There hasn’t been a lack of evolution in personal audio over the years, but integrating AI into headphones is giving them a new lease on life, says Dino Bekis, vice president of wearables at chipmaker Qualcomm. We’re starting to see this with devices like Apple’s new AirPods Pro 3.

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The impact of AI on headphones will be twofold, says Bekis. First, it will build on improvements we’ve already seen, such as the ability to easily switch among active noise cancellation, transparency and other listening modes.

Instead of that being something we need to control manually, the headphones themselves will increasingly handle it all dynamically. Sensors on board, layered with AI, become more adept at reading and understanding our immediate surroundings.

Bekis says that maybe your headphones could alert you to someone trying to get your attention by recognizing your name being called, even if you’re listening to music with ANC enabled. If you’re on a call, walking along a busy street, they could alert you to traffic dangers, sirens or someone who might be walking close behind you.

But where he really sees AI headphones coming into their own is in the interactions you’ll have with AI agents. These personal assistant-like versions of artificial intelligence will operate autonomously with our devices and services on our behalf.

There’s no more «natural way» than conversation to interact with them, he says, and the high-quality mics and speakers in your headphones will allow for clear and effective communication.

«Earbuds or headphones are really yesterday’s technology that’s suddenly been reinvented and is becoming the primary way we’re going to be interfacing with agents moving forward,» says Bekis.

Headphone-makers, meet AI

Not all headphones are on the verge of transforming into wearable AI assistants, and the situation is not the same across the board. Many legacy headphone companies are «entrenched in their core focus of audio quality and audio file capability,» says Bekis.

At the same time, Bekis says Harman-owned high-end audio brand Mark Levinson is one headphone maker Qualcomm is working with on integrating AI into its products. And smartphone manufacturers who also have audio products in their lineup are at the forefront of the charge.

You only need to look at the new capabilities that Samsung, Google and Apple have bolstered their headphones with over the past few years. In addition to adaptive audio, the companies are starting to add AI-specific features. Google’s Pixel Buds 2 are engineered not just as an audio device but as hardware with the company’s Gemini AI assistant at the core (you could say «Hey, Google» to activate Gemini and ask it to summarize your emails, for example).

In September, Apple introduced AI-powered live translation with the AirPods Pro 3. The AirPods will parse what someone is saying to you and play it in your chosen language in your ear. They will also pick up your speech and translate it so that you can show the other person a transcript in their language on your phone screen.

Apple also seems to be searching for ways to further tap the AI potential of its headphones range. A report from Bloomberg earlier this month suggested that the company might introduce AI-powered infrared cameras with the next version of the AirPods Pro, which could be activated by and respond to gestures.

It’s clear that smartphone-makers can see the potential in headphones to be more than just audio products, in the same way they once recognized that the phone could be more than simply a device for making calls. They might even turn headphones and earbuds into what I think could be the ultimate AI wearable.

Why headphones?

The biggest argument for headphones over other emerging AI-focused wearable tech is their popularity: Who doesn’t own at least one pair? (My feeling is that everyone should own at least three different styles, each with its own strengths.) It’s just not the same with glasses or watches.

Yes, they are common and familiar, but the likelihood is that if you don’t already wear them regularly, the addition of AI is unlikely to persuade you. Glasses, in particular, have drawbacks, including battery life. There’s also the difficulty of combining the tech with prescription lenses and privacy concerns due to the addition of cameras.

After well over a decade of effort, tech companies are also still struggling to make smart glasses as sleek and comfortable to wear as their non-smart counterparts (the Meta Ray-Bans perhaps being the one exception to the rule here).

Smartwatches and fitness bands, meanwhile, have become more comfortable, but many people still find them cumbersome for sleeping. The sensors in them are too far away from our faces, where we receive the majority of our sensory inputs, to comprehend the world around us with forensic detail. They cannot relay sensory feedback to us without us having to look at a screen. The same is true for rings and other smart jewelry.

There are no devices that rival headphones, and earbuds in particular, for sheer proximity to a major sensory organ capable of both inputting and outputting complex sensory data. They have been and remain discreet, easy to take on and off, and not overly power hungry or demanding when it comes to charging frequency.

«Critically, there’s the social acceptance level of this as well, where, ultimately, headphones have become incredibly commonplace,» says CCS Insight Analyst Leo Gebbie.

They don’t insert a noticeable barrier between you and the world you’re experiencing. Plus, even when they’re obvious, they don’t tend to put people on edge over concerns you could be capturing their image, and you don’t need to learn how to use them, Gebbie says.

«Contrast that with something like smart glasses, where I think there is a whole new set of user behaviors that would need to be learned in terms of exactly how to interact with that device,» he says. «Also, there’s kind of a social contract, which, for me, at least with smart glasses, has always been one of the biggest stumbling blocks.»

What’s more, headphones have been getting gradually smarter all this time without most of us even noticing.

This invisible evolution is the closest tangible expression I’ve seen of the widespread belief among tech leaders that AI should be a subtle, ambient force that permeates our lives as inconspicuously as possible.

Headphones are an established product that shows consistent growth, making them the safest bet for companies that want as many people as possible to engage with AI through wearable tech.

Multiple forecasts, including from SNS Insider and Mordor Intelligence, estimate the global market for headphones will grow to over $100 billion by the early 2030s. By contrast, Mordor forecasts the smart glasses market will grow to $18.4 billion in the same period, one of the higher estimates I found.

Companies are always searching out new revenue streams, hence their determination to explore new kinds of AI devices, says Gebbie. But, he adds, «headphones definitely feel like a safer bet, because it’s a form factor that people are familiar with.»

It may well be the case that no single wearable device will define our coexistence with AI, and if there is, it will be a device of our choosing.

But rather than reinvent the wheel, I strongly suspect the companies embracing the potential of headphones will see these formerly audio-focused devices fly in the age of AI. And perhaps it’s just personal preference, but I’m on board.

Technologies

Phone Plugged in 24/7? Experts Reveal the Science Behind Battery Damage

Phone batteries degrade over time, but heat and use habits are a larger danger than keeping your phone plugged in.

There was a time when smartphone users were warned not to leave their phones plugged in for too long, or it could do damage to the battery. While modern smartphones now have overcharge protection that keeps them safe, many people still have questions about whether keeping their phone perpetually plugged in will damage the battery.

The short answer is no. Keeping your phone plugged in all the time won’t ruin your battery. Modern smartphones are built with smart charging systems that cut off or taper power once they’re full, preventing the kind of «overcharging damage» that was common in older devices. So if you’re leaving your iPhone or Android on the charger overnight, you can relax.

That said, «won’t ruin your battery» doesn’t mean it has no effect. Batteries naturally degrade with age and use, and how you charge plays a role in how fast that happens. Keeping a phone perpetually at 100% can add extra stress on the battery, especially when paired with heat, which is the real enemy of longevity.

Understanding when this matters (and when it doesn’t) can help you make small changes to extend your phone’s lifespan.

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The science behind battery wear

Battery health isn’t just about how many times you charge your phone. It’s about how it manages voltage, temperature and maintenance. Lithium-ion batteries age fastest when they’re exposed to extreme levels: 0% and 100%.

Keeping them near full charge for long stretches puts additional voltage stress on the cathode and electrolyte. That’s why many devices use «trickle charging» or temporarily pause at 100%, topping up only when needed.

Still, the biggest threat isn’t overcharging — it’s heat. When your phone is plugged in and running demanding apps, it produces heat that accelerates chemical wear inside the battery. If you’re gaming, streaming or charging on a hot day, that extra warmth does far more harm than leaving the cable plugged in overnight.

Apple’s take

Apple’s battery guide describes lithium-ion batteries as «consumable components» that naturally lose capacity over time. To slow that decline, iPhones use Optimized Battery Charging, which learns your daily routine and pauses charging at about 80% until just before you typically unplug, reducing time spent at high voltage.

Apple also advises keeping devices between 0 to 35 degrees Celsius (32 to 95 degrees Fahrenheit) and removing certain cases while charging to improve heat dissipation. You can read more on Apple’s official battery support page.

What Samsung (and other Android makers) do

Samsung offers a similar feature called Battery Protect, found in One UI’s battery and device care settings. When enabled, it caps charging at 85%, which helps reduce stress during long charging sessions.

Other Android makers like Google, OnePlus and Xiaomi include comparable options — often called Adaptive Charging, Optimized Charging or Battery Care — that dynamically slow power delivery or limit charge based on your habits. These systems make it safe to leave your phone plugged in for extended periods without fear of overcharging.

When constant charging can hurt

Even with these safeguards, some conditions can accelerate battery wear. As mentioned before, the most common culprit is high temperature. Even for a short period of time, leaving your phone charging in direct sunlight, in a car or under a pillow can push temperatures into unsafe zones.

Heavy use while charging, like gaming or 4K video editing, can also cause temperature spikes that degrade the battery faster. And cheap, uncertified cables or adapters may deliver unstable current that stresses cells. If your battery is already several years old, it’s naturally more sensitive to this kind of strain.

How to charge smarter

You don’t need to overhaul your habits but a few tweaks can help your battery age gracefully.

Start by turning on your phone’s built-in optimization tools: Optimized Battery Charging on iPhones, Battery Protect on Samsung devices and Adaptive Charging on Google Pixels. These systems learn your routine and adjust charging speed so your phone isn’t sitting at 100% all night.

Keep your phone cool while charging. According to Apple, phone batteries perform best between 62 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit (16 to 22 degrees Celsius). If your phone feels hot, remove its case or move it to a better-ventilated or shaded spot. Avoid tossing it under a pillow or too close to other electronics, like your laptop, and skip wireless chargers that trap heat overnight.

Use quality chargers and cables from your phone’s manufacturer or trusted brands. Those cheap «fast-charge» kits you find online often deliver inconsistent current, which can cause long-term issues.

Finally, don’t obsess over topping off. It’s perfectly fine to plug in your phone during the day for short bursts. Lithium-ion batteries actually prefer frequent, shallow charges rather than deep, full cycles. You don’t need to keep it between 20% and 80% all the time, but just avoid extremes when possible.

The bottom line

Keeping your phone plugged in overnight or on your desk all day won’t destroy its battery. That’s a leftover myth from a different era of tech. Modern phones are smart enough to protect themselves, and features like Optimized Battery Charging or Battery Protect do most of the heavy lifting for you.

Still, no battery lasts forever. The best way to slow the inevitable is to manage heat, use quality chargers and let your phone’s software do its job. Think of it less as «babying» your battery and more as charging with intention. A few mindful habits today can keep your phone running strong for years.